I suspect I’m less encumbered by dreams than the average person – whether the sleepy-time or aspirational variety. When I do manage to get to sleep my dreams are always – and I mean, always – on the anxiety spectrum. Sure they follow all the classic tropes: teeth falling out, naked, late, falling and flying. In fact, I have a recurring dream where I’m flying to a job interview, I’m late – and naked – and when I start falling my teeth start falling out and oddly, they’re falling faster than my body is, which leads me to worry that I have really fat teeth. Thank God it isn’t test day at school.

Last night I dreamt my friend entrusted us with the safety of her new prize stallion (that’s not a euphemism) and we found it a lovely temporary home on a very fancy farm. Unfortunately, the farmer cut the horse in half (lengthways – missing legs) and presented it back to us. Oh, it was frozen by the way, which is lucky because could you imagine how messy it would be, from a presentation standpoint, if it wasn’t? That would be a ludicrous way for a livestock professional to present a bifurcated horse.

A half-frozen horse…(do I mean frozen half-horse?) was not unusual to me because farmers from my part of the world often have massive freezers that can contain many livestock units. Anyway, my husband and I spent the rest of the dream brainstorming in a panic about how we were going to get out of this situation. What lies could we tell about what happened to the horse? Funnily enough, the old switcheroo – e.g. get another horse and paint it the same colour as the old one – didn’t spring to mind, but this is a dream and I think we can all agree they aren’t always logical. But wait, there’s more. My friend turned up and announced they’d just sold their house and bought a farm in the middle of nowhere so they could focus all their loving attention on their beloved prize stallion which they were ready to pick up right away. Sheeesh. Talk about stress.

And that’s why I don’t sleep much.

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